☁ ;;;

fiction or fact, i love you the same in both worlds.
널 사랑한다고.

비밀 /

- 08.2014.

after years it still boils down to that. i am still like that. i’ve tried to learn but yet it still makes me upset when i cant find any logical reasons (which ive already learnt to make/think about) when i don’t get that something i want. when will i ever really learn to overcome & let go of that thing i want & do alternatives on my own to make up for it instead of sulking over it? Guess I’ll have some time alone instead to think over it.

learn. to not try. to be able to not be affected anymore. the conversation ends there. let it be. don’t bother. i’m different. nvm. treat how others treat u. don’t do more to not expect more. be firm. 

I shouldnt be feeling upset and feeling this grudge against you. But every single time your small actions show so much and it makes me disappointed and it stings my heart. Its hard for me to treat you normal or even nice or neutral anymore. And Im not going to feel inferior towards anyone anymore, whats there to be inferior or sorry about when I havent done anyone anything wrong? Or unless my mere existence makes you annoyed, I’m sorry for that, yet for someone whom I treated as a close friend. Live with it. Perhaps im still trying to fully let it go and not feel affected, perhaps I still secretly wish you’d prove me wrong sometime, perhaps I wish you would realise what I have been put to feel all this while or perhaps i’m wishing you’ll just simply wish to befriend or feel better about me someday. Its gonna take some time for that feeling to go away, to feel numb, meanwhile its really not easy to feel the least not negative towards you. I dont think i should even bother giving you anything anymore and seem like a fool who listens to excuses or half hearted responses. Yea.. so I gonna #treatmyselfbetter. So is it alright for me to feel and look at things this way?

나도 가끔 피곤해 나도 도망하고싶은 그만하고싶은 그런때도 있어. 지금 좀 좋은 목소리 필요해.. 노래 들자.

maybe i’m just tired.

and when it starts it comes and it’s crashing me down right now. all at once. 

From now onwards I’ll wear this facade and be strong, I won’t be a burden to anyone anymore. I’ll be a happy nut the best I can.

Broke, cried it out, then stop, move on, be stronger and a better person. A better friend.

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